I never thought I'd be able to do some of the things I'm doing today. Handling finances, starting a business, doing taxes, car and home maintenance... I also never thought divorce was a option unless the reasons were, well--obvious. Besides, how would I ever make it financially? I certainly didn't think I "qualified" for total happiness and authenticity.
Yet, here I am. Why did I think so small? Why did I think I was incapable? Undeserving? There was so much I didn't know. Here's the truth: I've always been a good, responsible person, who follows rules and lives a healthy life. I've always been a top student with really great skills and a sharp mind. So why was I so limited with my sense of capability and worth? I felt an enormous expectation to be a certain way.
I never believed in divorce until I was challenged to believe otherwise. It was the only way to save myself and be who I needed to be. That is what I call necessary “selfishness”. It was a spiritual process in which I had to tell myself, God loves me too. Not just my children. I was working against real or imagined messages that no matter how smart or capable you are, you needed to stay in the traditional role for the kids. No matter how unhappy you were, you needed to stay married and deal with it. I lost myself in 18 years of marriage. I made my bed at the age of 23 when I got married and now I have to lay in it forever? So this lifetime is doomed? Here I am at the age of 46, 42 at the time, completely bitter and resentful. I decided to give myself a chance and I’ve flourished ever since. I believe I’m setting a good example for my kids by listening within and loving myself enough to make a change.
I may not be who people wanted me to be. I'm not even who I set out to be. Yet, I am Amy Goldbeck. And I'm finding out she is more powerful and courageous than I ever realized. Sometimes my inner witness is surprised as I push forward.
I'm starting to re-learn who I am. It's almost like I am being lead by my true self. Like there is something powerful within me that has an agenda to be my best self. I am so grateful that I can hear its voice, feel its nudge, and trust it. I'm learning to reshape my beliefs. I am on a path towards my highest potential, thanks to self compassion, believing I'm worthy and capable, listening within, and taking myself seriously. I've learned to stand in my truth regardless of the consequences. Because, I believe now, that it's the only way to live. In fact, I think that's the secret to life.
Education also really plays an important part! Whether you read up, talk to a pro, or take a class, you will have more confidence as you become more educated in the topic that intimidates you. Harness the fear and tackle the topic! Remember, you are powerful beyond measure. You are capable and responsible. And your life is waiting for you!
You Got This!!
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