How does it feel when someone wants you to make a choice that's different than the one you want to make? Do you ever feel pressure to go against your gut or intuition? Have you ever been called "uncooperative" for standing by your decision? This is control and manipulation. A form of bullying, which can border on abusive. This is someone else having a problem accepting you and your choices. But the bottom line is...this is your life. And you are the one who gets to make decisions for yourself.
When we stand in our power and communicate boundaries, others may not like it and go to extremes to challenge us. They may try to threaten that you will be in some sort of trouble if you don't "cooperate". They may punish you by taking something away. They may use guilt to manipulate you into thinking that you are selfish or some other form of inferior. They may even attack or shame you with insults, name-calling, or legal accusations. Other boundary violations include humiliation, intimidation, isolation, and guilt-induced pressure.
But sometimes boundaries are crossed in a more subtle way. For example, have you ever voiced your concerns only to have them glossed over, dismissed and never acknowledged? You may walk away from a meeting or interaction feeling mistreated. Upon reflection, you identify that you felt disrespected, devalued and dismissed. These observations are important to act on. Your emotions and body cues will let you know whether or not you feel emotionally safe and respectfully regarded. Practice listening to yourself in this way.
From the subtle to the extreme, none of these behaviors or tactics are appropriate and all of them violate your right to emotional safety and respect. You are allowed to be yourself and follow what feels right to you. Don't give anyone the authority to coerce you into something you're not comfortable with. If you aren't regarded with respect or compassion, you can set a boundary or disengage. Boundaries apply to all relationships.
Boundaries teach others how you want to be treated. Boundaries are your super-power, and sometimes your saving grace. They protect you from getting caught up in the expectations of others. Boundaries are the tools that will help you heal. Boundaries are a sign of self-love and self-respect. Do not be afraid to listen to yourself. You have every right to stand in your truth and power, and to exercise your boundaries. Choose to surround yourself with others who support you, love you, and treat you the way you wish to be treated.
A few examples of communicating boundaries:
1. That doesn't work for me.
2. I'm not okay with that.
3. I'm not comfortable moving forward with you, with this.
4. I'd like to make a simple request that in the future, you...
5. If this happens again, I will need to...
*Seek professional support if you need additional help with boundaries.
Comments
Post a Comment