Holiday Expectations

Holidays can be a happy time, no doubt.  But we can sometimes feel pressure, dread, sadness and irritation when the holiday season rolls around.  It seems like there is this grand, collective assumption that we are all going through this wonderful time of year, and that we all have our own wonderful things happening- despite the variation.  When we don't match the wonderful energy around us, we can feel worse, simply because the expectation is so apparent.  Not everyone is feeling wonderful around the holidays.  

Feelings are vital to our human experience.  Yes, sometimes they are unpleasant, but they are meant to be felt so that we can be informed and guided by them.  They help us deepen our understanding of who we are.  We can choose how to express and manage emotions, but we can't just switch them off.  When someone is down, hearing "cheer up" might make them want to scream, because it doesn't accept and validate their current state. 

Holidays can be less joyous if you have had a difficult year.  Holidays can be sad if you are missing a loved one.  Holidays can be lonely if family dynamics change.  Holidays can be hard.

So, for those of you who are struggling this holiday season, take time out to do what's best for you.  Give yourself permission to turn your holiday into whatever you need.  Trying to be who everyone wants you to be is exhausting.  Trying to do what everyone wants you to do is depleting.  If you need to take a pass on attending a gathering, take it.  If you need to simplify your dinner party into a potluck, do it.  If you need to excuse yourself from a conversation, go for it.  If you need to reach out for therapeutic support, do so!  Give yourself the gift of being authentically present. 

*Please know that I am referring to healthy behaviors and choices when I suggest doing what you need to do.  My point is that just because we feel the expectation around the holidays, doesn't mean we have to abide by those expectations.   I hope your holiday season brings you peace and healing.  And that you open to the gift of self-compassion.